I'll See You In Hell, Blog!

2006-03-15T11:23:00.000-06:00

AAAhhhh! I have a job interview in a few hours, and I am CRAZY nervous. And this thing has already been rescheduled, as if it wasn't bad enough the first time around. So my stomach's doing backflips and scenarios are racing through my head... it's enough to make anyone want to puke.

I think it's worse because I actually want this job. The thought of getting to play with CDs all day again gets me all hot & bothered. Ah jeez, you know it's bad when you can hear the contents of your stomach bubbling and shifting. I'm gonna throw up.

Okay, I won't actually throw up. There's just alot at stake this time around. I need a job. Seriously... I'm out of money. If the first of the month rolls around again and I still don't have any source of income, I'm staring eviction in the face. Not so much a good feeling. But you know,everything that I've interviewed for so far has been kind of out of my league. Not that I think I couldn't have done it, but I just wasn't really qualified on paper. So I'm gonna try my luck with this merchandising job... I better fucking get this job... I can SO do this job... Oh shit, I'm gonna throw up...

Why don't we change the subject?

I can't think of anything else... my brain's not really functioning properly right now. I guess this is it for now. I'll probably delete this post after my interview. It doesn't really flow with the rest of my blog, ya know? Maybe I'll have good news later. Maybe I'll die of an empty stomach under a bridge somewhere. Who knows? Ah, fickle life...

2006-03-07T16:00:00.000-06:00

Well, once again I've been commanded to post something new. And once again, I don't have anything I want to write about. So now I'm forced to spout drivel about nothing in particular, and try my damndest to make it entertaining.

Sooo... did anyone see the Olympics? Just kiddin', just kiddin'. hehe. I'm putting a picture of Jasmine on here today. That's sure to make it more entertaining, the fatass. :) I love my Pooterhead. She however, does NOT love Lionbaby (that's the name of the lion in the picture- thank you for the burst of creativity, Laura). Lionbaby and his brother, Tigerbaby were born in a jungle known as Wal-Mart, and they're vicious for it, let me tell you. Ah, late night's spent in the Wal-Mart toy aisle... good times, good times.

I miss being able to spend money on crap whenever I wanted to... the idea of buying another Lionbaby now, kind of gives me the shivers. I want some money, dammit. There's a new Sims 2 expansion pack out now, Open For Business, and I want it so much it hurts... oh, who am I kidding? I'm gonna buy it anyway, because I have NO restraint whatsoever. I just blame it on my Aries nature. I may not be able to eat, but my sims are gonna start their own businesses, and it's gonna kick ass. :)

So that's it for now. I hope you're happy, Jadyn. Wasn't this exciting? Entertaining? The best blog you've ever read in your life? Next time I'm pressured to write something, I'm gonna make three paragraphs full of "blah blah blah." Don't think I won't, cause I most certainly will.

Peace out.

2006-02-27T21:58:00.000-06:00

Well, the Olympics are officially over, which means I have nothing to keep me up until 4 or 5 in the morning anymore, and that makes me sad. :( I don't know why I get so addicted to them sometimes, and other times (like the last 8 years) I couldn't care less. But now I want more and I have to wait 4 years... Nnnoooooo!

So here I will give a tribute to all the events and people who got my attention (I know everyone's really excited to read this) :

To Tanith Belbin, I will remember your hotness (even if no one seems to agree with me), and admire your silver medal ice dancing ability.

To Marianne Timmer, my new favorite Dutch speed skater, your reaction after winning the gold in the 1000 meter will be forever cherished... and I will also remember that you're hot.

To Sasha Cohen, you gotta stop fallin', honey... but you did your thing, and it was cool, and the Russian chick fell too, so you still won silver. Way to capitolize on others' mistakes! You go, girl!

To Lindsey Jacobelis, you gotta stop fallin' too, honey... it's a snowboard RACE, that's ALL... aw, but I feel bad for you, so enjoy your silver.

To Shani Davis and Chad Hedrick, grow up... both of you. Put your petty feuds aside, and be happy you both won gold, cause neither one of you should have. So there. Jerks.

And to Joey Cheek, you're way cool for donating ALL of your gold prize money to charity without a second thought. Now go beat some sense into your fellow speed skaters, Shani and Chad. They're not THAT much bigger than you, ya little wuss.

Now I'll sing the Olympic Anthem...

Dum dum de dum dum dum dum,

dum dum de dum,

de de dum d d de de dum.

Hooray for the Olympics!

So anyway, I've got to fill up my time with something else now, thus the sudden increase in posts. No one's even gonna read my last one now unless I plug it right here. So scroll down when you're finished with this one, please... there's a picture down there, too. Ooh, a picture? That's right! It's gonna be just like my post about the cat... completely overlooked and ignored. Jadyn's the only person who saw that one. Shameless plug? Perhaps... :)

Question of the day:

What's your favorite song of all time and why?

2006-02-23T16:48:00.000-06:00

So I think I'm the only person in America who's watching the Olympics with any sort of interest at all. No one ever knows what I'm talking about when I say, "Did you see Lindsey Jacobelis fall? OH MY GOD!," or, "Damn, I LOVE me some Tanith Belbin!" Or Marianne Timmer... both. Definitely both.

So I've found two new crushes... TWO! It's so exciting. I love having crushes on people, it gives me something to daydream about. To me, it's a horrible feeling to go to bed for the night (or morning), and just fall asleep, without playing out little fantasy scenes in my twisted little head. I know I'm probably considered extremely dorky for this, and no doubt I will get called dork by my friends for at least a week, as I have been officially renamed "ass-monkey" after my last blog, but I don't care. You hear me America??! Call me "dork," and I say to you, "Good day, sir!"

And in other news, I've decided that I and everyone else in this little blog circle (except for Carri) need to lighten up with their posts. Jadyn, you need to make a new one so I don't have to keep seeing that thing whenever I check yours, and Ili, you've got about five self help posts in a row going... no more talk of positive energy and goals and inspiration to be glorious (?) and reaping what you sew, dammit! I want funny! FUNNY!! So I'm not gonna take it anymore... I hereby refuse to comment on continuously serious blogs... yeah, that's right! I said it! So that's it for now.

Good day, sirs!

2006-02-14T14:03:00.000-06:00

Rather than posting an insanely long comment on someone else's blog, I've decided to write my own version, thus the "Smokers Guide to Hanging Out With Non-Smokers."

Let me start by saying that I'm not in a "fuck you" state of mind. I'm slightly angry about being gang-banged, and I'm in serious defense mode, but mostly I just don't like feeling like a piece of shit. And apparenly it wasn't enough for me to feel that way last night, as I've been made to relive the entire scenario today in blog form.

So on to the list:

1) Prepare yourself mentally for the inevitable lectures on the risks of smoking. It seems all non-smokers think that, if you just knew the risks, you'd surely quit. Surely, no sane person would do that to themselves; I guess they just don't know. Well, trust me, we know.

2) Expect subtle sideways glances from the non-smokers you know (or don't) anytime the words "cancer" or "emphizema" are mentioned. Get ready to act as though you heard nothing; it will help you avoid extremely uncomfortable silences. And above all, IGNORE the judgemental stares. If you need to talk about things this serious, talk to your smoker friends... they won't look down on you.

3) Don't expect ex-smokers to understand. It doesn't matter what they said when they smoked right along with you, they all will eventually become "the angry non-smoker." These are the ones who have to complain about smoke everywhere they go; the ones who believe that there should be no restaurants with smoking sections; the ones who believe that people shouldn't have the right to make their own decisions- it should just be outlawed.

4) Get your "I'll quit when I'm ready to quit" speech ready. Even though the general population of non-smokers know that you can only quit successfully when it's your decision, they'll still sneak in hidden "quit" messages, thinking that you won't pick up on it. Be ready; this will come at you by surprise. It's only a matter of time.

5) Prepare to hear about smokers getting more breaks at work. It doesn't matter if you're one of the ones who does or not, you WILL get lumped into the category of "The Evil Lazy Cheating Smoker."

6) In extreme cases, you may get the guilt trip. It's a good idea to plan a response for this in advance, because when it's a surprise attack, emotions can get in the way of finding a very hard-to-find solution (which I have yet to discover). What are you supposed to do when you're hit with, "You make me stink; I have to shower after I hang out with you"? This is a good time to reference #4- the hidden "quit" command. Now, you know you're not going to quit just because your friends decided to tag team you and pressure you into doing something you're not ready to do, but can you handle inflicting your presence upon them on a regualar basis, when you know they think you're a disgusting ass-monkey who covers them in ass-monkey stink whenever you're around? I haven't figured out the answer to this one yet.

7) Last, but certainly not least, get used to being judged. Everywhere you go, you WILL be judged. Everyone you meet WILL judge you. Don't think you're safe just because people don't say anything about it- they're just judging you in secret. Family and close friends are no exception to this rule, don't be fooled. Just get used to it.

2006-02-13T12:56:00.000-06:00

Okay, since I can't ever think of anything of my own to write (and SOMEONE won't leave me alone- I won't name names, you know who you are), I'm just gonna copy an Emily Bronte essay. She's my all-time favorite writer, even though she only has one book and I can never seem to remember the story, which is weird... but I know I love it. So anyway, here ya go. Don't say I'm cheesy... this is really more about people anyway. So shut up...

I'm a dork. :( *sob*

"The Cat"

I can say with sincerity that I love cats; furthermore I am going to give very good reasons why those who hate them are wrong.

The cat is an animal which has more human feelings than almost any other being. We cannot draw a comparison with the dog, which is infinitely too good; but the cat, while differing in certain physical features, is extremely like us in disposition.

There may genuinely be people who will say that this resemblance only holds with the most wicked men, that it is born of its excess of hypocrisy, cruelty and ingratitude; vices detestable in our race and equally odious in that of cats.

Without disputing the limits which these individuals set on our affinity, I reply that if hypocrisy, cruelty and ingratitude are exclusively the property of the wicked, this class encompasses everyone; our education develops one of these qualities in great perfection, the others flourish without being fostered, and far from condemning them, we regard all three with a great deal of complacency. A cat, in his own interest, sometimes conceals its misanthropy under a semlance of very engaging sweetness; instead of tearing what it wants out of the hand of its master, it comes up with a caressing air, rubs its pretty little head against him, and advances a paw whose touch is gentle as down. When this is finished, he resumes his character of Timon, and whereas this subtlety is called hypocrisy in him, among ourselves, we give it another name, it is politeness, and anyone who does not use it to conceal his real feelings will soon be chased from society.

"But," says some genteel lady, who has murdered half a dozen lapdogs out of pure affection, "the cat is such a cruel animal; not content with killing its prey, it tortures it before its death; you cannot make that accusation against us." Not far from you, Madame, monsieur, your husband, for example, really loves the hunt; but foxes being rare in his area, he will not have means to pursue his amusement often, if he does not conserve his stock. Thus, when he has run down an animal to its last gasp, he takes it from the jaws of the dogs and preserves it to suffer again two or three times the same assault, ending finally in death. You spare yourself a bloody spectacle because it wounds your feeble nerves, but I have seen you embrace your child with transports, when it comes to show you a beautiful butterfly crushed between its cruel little fingers; and at this moment, I'd have liked to have a cat, with the tail of a half-swallowed rat hanging from its mouth, to introduce as the image, the exact copy, of your angel; you cannot refuse to kiss him, and if he scratches us both in revenge, so much the better, little boys are just as liable to recognise thus the caresses of their friends, and the resemblance will be all the more perfect.

The ingratitude of cats is another name for perspicacity. They know how to estimate our favours at their just price, because they divine the motives which make us give them, and if these motives may sometimes be good, without doubt they always remember, that they owe all their miseries and all their bad qualities to the great sin of the human race, for assuredly, the cat was not wicked in Paradise.

So whatcha think? I think it's cool. I love the murdered out of pure affection thing. Emily Bronte's a fuckin' badass. :)

I wonder if it's illegal for me to do this kind of thing. Hmmm...

2006-01-31T03:37:00.000-06:00

Okay, people, I'm having some serious blog related issues. I apparently can't have freakin' spaces in between my paragraphs anymore or whatever the hell they're called (I don't even remember, and you know what?!? I don't care!) I'm so pissed. I've been working on this other post for at least an hour, just trying to get it to work right, and it WON'T!! AAARRRRGGG!! But I refuse to post something that's gonna look like CRAP. Anyway, I've got a headache, and I'm going to bed. SCREW BLOGS!!

2006-01-26T23:07:00.000-06:00

Oh Blog
You are so fine
Don't know what to write
But at least you're mine

It's after 11pm on Thursday night. I've got about five cups of coffee in my system, and I'm feelin' a little shaky. (A little loopy might be more accurate). Who knew that coffee could make you lose your mind? I'm starting to think that I may actually be single... FOREVER... da da DUM... I'm tired of this.

Not that I'm miserable, mind you. In fact, I really don't think about it all that often. Actually, I think that's the problem. I think I've grown completely complacent with the entire situation. I'm wondering, are there people out there who can be single virtually their whole lives, and be okay? Can they function as normal human beings? Can they deal with the pressure of society to ultimately pair off? Or is it human nature to need a companion, a partner in crime, a (dare I say it?) other half??

I admit... It would be nice to come home to someone and talk about our days (this requires a job first, I know). Someone to cook for me and clean up after me, and pay my bills... just kidding. :) To actually have someone to watch MY back when we play board games with friends... Ili, Jadyn, I'm talking to YOU! I want to have inside jokes! Okay, if it's possible to whine on paper, I think I just did.

Anyway, I'm done with this post... it's pissing me off. And I'm not really upset. I just needed to write something to pacify Jadyn. I am NOT boring. Ho. I'm holding out for a hero. :)

2006-01-24T15:31:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I'm gonna try this whole writing thing. I'll probably have the worst blog ever, because I can never think of anything I want to write.

I have this thing, where I have a really hard time starting things. There's something about making that first effort that just scares the shit out of me. It's like when I try to draw, and I sit there for about twenty minutes staring at the page and shaking a pencil over it. The first line is so scary to me, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because once I make that start, I've commited to drawing a certain thing, and I feel like there's no going back at that point. This feels exactly the same.

It's funny, because Carri and I were talking about this kind of stuff last night... about what makes us so scared to break out of our box and just DO something. And I was trying to figure out when I started having this whole issue. I mean, when you're a kid, you say what you think... the second it pops into your head. At what age do we start filtering our thoughts and actions? It seems like everything I say has to run through a scanner first to make sure there's nothing offensive or embarrasing hidden inside. Some day I'm going to fix all this about myself... Just not right now. :)

And I have an entry!! Must... post... before I.. change my mind...

2006-01-23T23:36:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm officially a blogger. This being the first day and everything, I'll keep it short. Mainly I just want to see how my blog will look with something on it. 'Cause I'm a dork.